One Mama’s Thoughts on the First Day of School

Wait, what? It’s already time for that?

This is it. This is the year my oldest baby ventures off into the world without me. How has 5 years already flown by? I swear, it was just yesterday I was bringing her home from the hospital. She is ecstatic. Me? Not so much. I’ve dreaded this day for a long time coming. The day she will leave me and go on new adventures. And to make things scarier for myself, her first year of school just so happens to be when a pandemic hits. Oh Joy…..

My daughter has always been very independent. A go getter. She knows what she likes, how she likes it done, and doesn’t expect anything subpar to that. I love her feistiness and zest for life. She is going to do great and big things. When I told her that she would get to go to Kindergarten this year and will learn how to read, she asked if she could start the next day. She is so brave! I force a smile and an excited whoop but deep down my anxiety is starting to rise. I spent so much of my time preparing her for what’s coming, that I forgot to stop and prepare myself. I know she will be fine, but will I be?

To school or not to school? That is the question.

I really struggled with my decision on whether or not to send her to school, or if I should keep her home and homeschool. I spent a lot of nights up and so anxious about what to do. When my husband and I would discuss schools in the past, the debate was always between private or public, homeschool or in school. Now that there is a pandemic going on, that made the decision even more difficult. After some time and council from our parent friends, we decided to send her to school. She loves making new friends and being social. She is our social butterfly. We decided that what was best to help her thrive and I certain we made the right choice.

First day of school is almost here and she is over the moon. Neither one of us can sleep. For completely different reasons, of course. She is to excited to stay still long enough to doze off and my anxiety level is HIGH. To say I’m overprotective is an understatement, I am the definition helicopter parent over here, my husband is more laid back and helps balance me out and calms me down. Another reason I love him. So when I found out that she will only go to school two days a week, my heart leaped with joy. That meant I didn’t have to let go completely just yet.

First Day Of School

I wake up at 4:45 in the morning and just immediately start crying. I know. I know. I need to calm it a bit, but I cant help it, needed to get that cry in before my daughter woke up. I don’t want anyone to see how badly I am handling the situation. My daughter wakes up leaping out of bed so ready to start her day. We take our cute back to school pictures with her sign and the whole family loads up in the car. Again, i have a hard time letting go, so I ride in the back seat with her while holding her hand and holding back my sobs. Thankfully, she doesn’t notice. We get to school and she jumps out of the car and is greeted by several teachers guiding her into the big open doors. She is smiling and admiring the colorful sidewalk chalk drawings and the rainbow balloon arch. She is so enticed with her surroundings that she doesn’t even look back. {Cue my instant heartache.} She is so strong and confident. I am so happy she is, that’s exactly how I wanted her to be. To be brave and brace new challenges in this life with grace. I’ll go home and start counting down the hours until I get to go scoop her up and hear all about her day.

School so far.

We’ve been in school roughly a month now, and I will say this. Teachers are ANGELS. Teachers do not nearly enough credit and pay for all of the hard work they do. Thank you to all teachers out there. True heroes. Never truly appreciate someone until they are gone and you are standing there trying to fill their shoes. I am not a teacher. God did not give me that gift. Sis and I have struggled hard when it comes to virtual learning. We will continue pushing through until we get a good rhythm going. Hopefully, that will happen soon. Very soon.

With love and grace,

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